


Rhyming the Skylark

by WarnerHedgehog



Series: The Science of Jonas Sludge [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Birds, Comedy, Gen, Humor, Mad Scientists, Poetic, Research, Rhyme, Science, boffin - Freeform, ornithology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29243772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarnerHedgehog/pseuds/WarnerHedgehog
Summary: This is a complete re-write of The Skylark Conundrum. The whole thing rhymes and is now a work of genius (This last bit may be a lie).
Series: The Science of Jonas Sludge [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1751893
Kudos: 1





	Rhyming the Skylark

Among the hills and Purbeck's sheep, a boffin's interest has been piqued. Ohio big-brain Jonas Sludge is in a tent on Dorset mud, for this is his vacation plot but his science brain just hasn't stopped. Somewhere in the air nearby, a birdy noise has filled the sky. What is more, it doesn't cease, it doesn't pause and it can't be seen. It is somewhere in the open, but of seeing it there is no hoping. This had set his brain ablaze, was this just a gin-fuelled craze? Was this just some madcap dream, or is there more to this bird's scheme? There had to be a way to know, so he reached straight for his phone. He Googled like a man posessed, for he had himself a quest. Port of call number one, someone who found birding fun: Maybe they would have the info on this little flying weirdo, but in the end he was narked as all he learned was the name "skylark", but at least it was a place to start, to unearth the truth of this loud little tart. He went to Google once again armed as he was with this new-found gen, and he learned of this bird's plight, of how it sings non-stop in flight. He now knew of the skylark's crest and of where it chose to nest.  
The very next day while out and about he actually saw one leave the ground! He marvelled as it rose into the air, singing with a voice both clean and clear. It did a lap about his head as on its little flight it sped, all while trilling out so loud, very proud and so profound. And then before he could even think, he made a big mistake: he blinked! All of a sudden the bird was gone yet it was near, still wittering on! How could this possibly be, to be heard and yet unseen? Jonas needed to get a clue but thankfully he knew just what to do. There's a Purbeck group that know many things, they're an unsecret society of south Dorset boffins! Sludge went to them for thoughts and advice, and they replied with kit that was nice: they handed him a wide covered cone, it was a directional parabolic microphone. As well as that and it made Sludge stammer, they handed him a thermal imaging camera.  
Jonas was armed, Jonas was ready. He had a plan and his nerves were steady. He set himself up in a field near a lake and settled himself down for a bit of a wait. As it turned out, it didn't take long as not far away was a familiar song. He picked up the mic and scanned all around, hoping to focus on continuous sound. When he was sure where the bird sounds were, thats when he went for the thermal imager. On the small screen, he saw the lark, glowing white hot as it tootled it's part. Keeping the camera trained on the creature, he carefully peeked up to use his own peepers, but try as he might, he saw no bird, despite the high tech and what could be heard. He resolved to keep track like a science blood hound, and then he could pounce when the bird hit the ground. His patience won out after 10 minutes as the lark seemed to think this performance was finished, so keeping the camera trained on his target, he carefully reached for his makeshift coat-net. He gingerly crept as it came in to land, his coat as a net firm in his hand. As it touched down he readied to strike, hoping to hell that this would go right, and when he was sure all was correct, he swooped like an eagle with his coat-like net. His movement was sharp, reactions were swift and soon he had the bird right in his mitts.  
Examination of this rare prize revealed the truth to be a surprise, the thing that he held in his paws was quite special, it turned out that this bird was artificial! The skylark he held was made by man's hand, but he would know more when he got back to camp.  
What was this thing, what was it for? He had to find out, he had to know more. When he got it back to his lab, he gave it a poke, a scan and a jab. He examined the thing with a well practiced eye, looking for whats, wherefores and whys. At least he did until when he was visited by several severe-suited men. The men were unhappy with what Sludge had done, indicating their feelings by brandishing guns. It would seem that skylarks weren't really that nice, they were a sort of official surveillance device, and goverment bods felt rather strict about stuff that they felt should remain secret. Jonas decided for the good of his health, to put ideas of skylarks back on the shelf. He sincerely promised to the men in the suits to give all thoughts of skylarks the boot, he also said he'd leave the UK and never return for the rest of his days.  
So now he has chosen to follow his heart and never again consider skylarks


End file.
